Heart Beat

I often ask the Lord to use me as a vessel in any way He wants.  I also ask him to please fill my mind with his sweet words instead of my own thoughts.  I ask him to give me a desire to draw near to Him throughout my day.  I ask him to watch over my children, etc...  I don't know about anyone else, but I ask a lot from the Lord.. and I seek out a lot of things of Him and through Him.  If you were to ask me if I could only ask or seek one thing from the Lord, what would it be? - I honestly don't know how I would have answered that last week, yesterday, or quite frankly, even a few hours ago.    

How would you have answered it?

I am going to begin a study on David this month, so I have been reading through the Psalms more frequently lately, to try to get in David's head/heart and understand him more.  I have a tendency to read Psalm 27 often and  get hung up on the end of verse 9 and 10 "... do not reject me or forsake me, God my savior.  Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me."  I have clung to this piece of scripture because, if you know me personally, then you know it's exactly what I'm dealing with in my life right now.

But, there is a gem in this psalm, just a few verses before it.  As I went to read this Psalm.. again... today, my eyes could not move past verse 4.  "One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

When was the last time I only asked that one thing?  

Have I ever only asked one thing?  

When was the last time that I did not ask anything more of the Lord than to just be with Him and gaze upon His beauty?

I've got to be honest.  It's been a while.

I am captivated by David's constant awareness of, and adoration towards God, and how he actively pursued Him.  And God noticed.  I love what God says about him in The Message translation of Acts 13:22, "...I've searched the land and found this David, son of Jesse.  He's a man whose heart beats to my heart, a man that will do what I tell him."  A man whose heart beats to my heart and that will do what I tell him.  Oh, that my God would commend me in that way!  

After reading that I had to ask myself...Whose heart beat does mine reflect most?  I won't go into all the details of my answer, but the bottom line is - I would be lying if I said that it beats to God's 100%.  I think more often than not, I want Him to try to match my heart beat instead of allowing my heart to beat with His.

My prayer for 2013, is that the Lord would create in me a new heart, one that beats to his.  My hope is that when the Lord searches the Land, that He would consider me to be a woman whose heart beats like his, and I that I would be obedient to do anything he tells me.  That sounds like the kind of life I want - to live with my heart beating close to God's and serving Him in any way, everyday, with total abandon.

Where There's A Will There's A Way - But Am I Willing?

Dear Me,

Slow down.  In life, in doing too many things and especially in reading scripture.  Too often I read scripture and I don't really take in what I'm reading.  But when I read in Matthew 8, a piece of scripture that I have read a few times before, these two verses struck me differently this time and stuck with me.  

A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”  Jesus reach out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"  Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy."  Matthew 8:2-3

A man with leprosy.  I did a little research and found that people who suffer from leprosy experience disfigurement of the skin and bones, twisting of the limbs, and curling of the fingers or toes.  Tumor like growth often occurs on their skin and their noses may collapse.  In biblical times, and even in a lot of societies today, people with leprosy suffered stereotypes (it was considered a curse from God often associated with sin) and banishment from their family or neighbors.

came and knelt before him.  I don't know the extent of this man's leprosy, but based on some of the research I did - it would have been hard to 'come' to Jesus.  Often, people with leprosy cannot walk because their limbs are disfigured.  But either way, this man came to Jesus and knelt before him.

and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."  If you are willing - what a beautiful picture of humility before our Lord.  On his knees, in pain, broken, alone - but having complete reverence to say, if you are willing.  Not saying - heal me.   Not saying, do this thing... Just a simple, if you are willing.  Then he said, you can make me clean.  He didn't doubt whether Jesus could do it, he didn't even ask him if he could heal him - he already knew that it was the LORD, and that he could do it.  Only, if he was willing.  His will, the Lord's willingness, not the leper willing the Lord to do it.

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.   Now this is where I got all worked up and started balling like a baby.  Jesus touched the man, the leper.  The same man that was on outcast, that hundreds of people probably walked by, maybe refused to look at - Jesus touched him.  And as I thought about this more, I wondered... just how long had it been since this man had been touched?  Lepers were deemed cursed. In my mind's eye, I bet he had not been touched or shown love in a long, long time.  I can't even begin to imagine what he felt just to be touched by not just a human, but by Jesus.  I can only imagine the love he felt in that moment. 

"I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"  I need to grab a tissue.  I am willing.  Be clean.  I don't have words, because the words of Jesus are enough here.  I am willing - be clean!       

Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.  Just like that, he was cleansed.  It is amazing how the touch of Jesus.  No.  The LOVE of Jesus can cleanse us - immediately.

This piece of scripture has got me all worked up in more ways than one.  It is time to ask the Lord to examine my heart... again!  This dying to self is SUCH a daily thing, and this piece of scripture reminded me of that.  

Holy Spirit, show me.  Am I willing?

Are there any lepers among me?  Do I refuse them love because of the way they look, or talk, or act?  Do I dismiss them as hopeless?  Do I only pray for them from afar?  Give me the heart, Lord, to show them love the same way that Jesus did to the leper.  To touch them.  To love them.  To be willing, always.  

Remind me Lord, that in all of my pain, the lonely places in my heart - to come.  Humble myself, kneel before you and say -  Lord, if you are willing.  Cleanse me of my self righteous thoughts, my roller coaster emotions, my selfish desires and let my heart beat as one with yours, Lord.  Make my thoughts, my emotions and my desires be the same as yours.  Give me the same heart as you and opportunities to love all people that you died on the cross for.  

For I too have been a leper.. stereotyped, treated like an outcast.  But you were willing.  You touched me.  You loved me.  You made me clean.  

- R

I love that kid.

Caleb's teacher emailed me on Wednesday to tell me that he was going to be rewarded on Friday for demonstrating their core value of the month.  She ended her email with, "He makes me laugh every day, I love that kid."

I just smiled.  If only I had a dollar for every time someone said that to me about Caleb.  "I love that kid."  

And you know what?  I love that kid too.  

Even when his personality is a little too big for his britches, God knew what he was doing when he gave me this precious boy as a gift.  I would be bored to tears without the husband and children God blessed me with and there is never a dull moment when Caleb is around.

He was rewarded for displaying Individuality and this mama could not be any more proud.  I stand back and look at my son, my only son, and I am in awe.  I really am.  And not just because I am his mama - but because He is one of the coolest kids I know and is very comfortable in his own skin.

He got two rewards last year (hey, can't a mom brag just a little bit?).  One was for Generosity.   The other for Hope.  And even though, I was very proud of him for being rewarded with those, this one feels different.

I feel like Bruno and I had a part in showing him, or teaching him how to be generous.  Not just with things, but with words and with affection.  He was rewarded for his generosity because he always had something kind & uplifting to say to his teacher and classmates.  I feel like Bruno and I even had a part in teaching him and showing him how there is always Hope.  We have pointed him to Jesus Christ and tried to display how to place his Hope in God and what He can do in any situation, especially the hardest situations. 

But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that him being rewarded for his individuality is all of God's work in him.  Him being all God created Him to be.  And honestly, I think I could stand to learn a thing, or ten... maybe 20 from him.  The truth is, I wish I was as comfortable in my own skin as Caleb is. 

I wish I could be myself without worrying about what anyone else thinks.

I wish I could laugh hysterically at myself even when no one else does (ok, wait - maybe I do that already).

I wish I didn't compare myself to others.

I wish I could forgive as easily and quickly as he can.

I wish I was okay with being my loud, boisterous self without trying to tame it down a bit because other people don't like it. 

I wish I could recognize my talents and use them.

I wish my heart was half as big as his is.

I wish I got as excited about small things as he does.

I wish I was as fearless as He is.

I wish I could say exactly what needs to be said out of my heart instead of my flesh the way he does.

The letter that was sent home today said that he has been seen discovering who he is meant to be to make a difference.  He makes a big difference in being part of our family, that's for sure.  I am excited to see what the Lord continues to do in this generous, hopeful, one of a kind individual.

There is no doubt in my mind that the Lord will use him to make a difference for His Kingdom.  I pray that Caleb never ceases to be exactly who the Lord made him to be.