Blame it on the Rain

Today we were leaving the grocery store and it was pouring down outside...like sheets of rain pouring down. Several people were huddled around the exit of the store waiting for the rain to let up before they made their way to their cars. I thought about waiting around with them, but then decided to eat my own words that I tell my kids all the time and I said, 'a little rain never hurt nobody.' 

Some people looked at me appalled that I would take my kids out into the pouring rain. Others laughed, surely thinking that I was out of my mind. And for the first time, in a long time - I didn't care.

"Buckle up kiddos, it's going down!" I shouted. Sarah (my 15 year old step daughter) gave an eye roll, and put her hoodie on. She's been around me long enough (8 1/2 yrs) to know that I was dead serious. They all started giggling and Caleb whipped out his umbrella (I promise, that kid is always prepared) and as we started to take off Caleb yelled at the top of his lungs...

"Oh, Lord Jesus help us - but hey, YOLO!"  I could hear a faint echo of laughter as we took off running.

We were laughing and getting soaked. We threw the groceries in the trunk, I even ran the cart back to the place it goes and we jumped in the car. We were soaking wet.  Liana and Caleb both said that was the most fun thing we had done in a while. 

We could have done what everyone else was doing.
We could have waited at the exit door for the rain to let up.
We could have been worried about getting wet and being a little uncomfortable on our way home.

But, we would have missed the adventure.
We would have missed the fun.
And we would probably STILL be standing at the exit door.

I can't get Caleb's last words out of my head as we were taking off. 'Oh, Lord Jesus help us - but hey, YOLO (You Only Live Once).  Ain't that the truth?  Lord Jesus, help us - we only live once.

There has been a consistent message in the content of several things I have been listening to, attending or reading for the past couple of weeks. The best summary of the messages combined is this:

We are all going to die in this world eventually (physically speaking). Until then, we live - but how many of us are really living? And not just going through the motions of our lives, but living life in the fullness of Christ?  And to take it a step further - how is that evidenced in your every day life or in your Christian walk?  And even more, what are we missing out on by not living life to the full?

I have been pondering this thought for the past weeks, but it took me having to run through the rain with my kids for the Lord to really drive this point home.

How many times have I been more compelled to stand around and wait for circumstances to change for me to move?

How many times have I just gone along with what the crowd was doing?

How many times have I been worried about what will happen to me if I run out into undesirable circumstances or if I am uncomfortable for a while?

And how many times have I missed out on the fun and the adventure of something from not stepping out in faith?

The answer is, probably one time too many.

How about  you?

P.O.W.

For 28 years of my life I was a prisoner of war (p.o.w.)... behind enemy lines, weighed down by chains in darkness with no hope. I was brokenhearted, held captive, wrapped up in sin and unforgiveness, needing to be set free.

Looking back, I remember trying to get out of the chains using my own strength but they wouldn't budge. So I decided to move closer to the battle line, to get a better chance of being rescued.  Another time, thinking I was clever, I did release myself from the chains. But once I was out of them, I couldn't see. I didn't know where I was going. I stumbled through the darkness, fell down and somehow found myself tangled up in heavier chains and further away from the battle line.

I gave up. I was convinced that this was just going to be my life.

I had heard of someone that would come after the prisoner's of war and set them free. But I had decided in my mind that the chains I wore and the wounds I had from all the years behind enemy lines would prove to be too much to be saved from. Surely, the person that saved the prisoners would go after a different prisoner...one that had less chains, less wounds, less sin and that was more easily accessible. I had heard talk of surrender, and then being saved. But that didn't make logical sense to me. Even if I did surrender, the place I was sitting in was dark - so dark that no one would be able to find me or see me.

I started to hear talk of other p.o.w's that I knew of. They had been saved by Jesus. I heard all kinds of stories of this Jesus, and how he rescued them & changed their lives. I heard his words spoken around me, but I had no understanding of them.  Shortly after this, I was no longer just a p.o.w., I was a p.o.w. that had been thrown into a pit. The darkness there, seemed even darker than complete darkness. It was a cold, and lonely place. Everywhere I turned, there was a wall. It was a place of no joy, no hope & no feeling. I felt dispensable. It felt like death.

I remember, on July 24, 2009 - I felt something. I felt an urge to get on my knees, to surrender and call out to Jesus to save me. I fought that urge all morning long, until around 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  I fell to my knees, and I surrendered. I called out to Jesus and begged him to come, to save me - I cried, out loud, saying that I could no longer do anything in my own strength, that I was at rock bottom, and that I needed Him. I yelled out for Him to help me from a place so deep within me, that I almost started to feel sick from how hard I was crying in desperation.

And I will never forget.. from one moment to the next, light shined through the darkness. I didn't know what to do with it at first. I just sat there, stunned. I noticed that I suddenly didn't feel the heaviness I had before. I was no longer blinded by the darkness. I could see. I felt, for the first time in a long time. I felt alive, and loved. I had been saved. Thank you, Jesus!

I was delivered from a dark place of alcoholism, anger, confusion, frustration, guilt and shame ... and delivered to a beautiful Savior that showed me unmerited grace. I was suddenly sober, not just from alcohol, but I was of sober mind. I had a desire to show mercy, to walk in forgiveness that had been purchased at a heavy price by the blood of Jesus Christ, and I had understanding of His words. I didn't feel any condemnation from my past sin, and I was thankful that I had been washed clean, white as snow. I wanted to forgive, in the same way that I was forgiven.

I am eternally grateful that I was rescued. My life has been changed, so much, for the better. It is amazing how free you feel when you choose to surrender to a Lord that is worthy of that surrender. After all, he surrendered his own life for us, first. But I will never forget what it was like to be a p.o.w....to be lost, needing to be found. May we, who have been rescued, never forget those that have yet to be found.  Those who are still p.o.w's.  

I think it's easy for us to forget that we are in the midst of a spiritual war. Unless, there is something evident going on in our lives at this very moment... something that feels heavy, brings discomfort, or persecution, or takes us out of our comfort zones without our permission - I think we can forget that we are engaged in a daily spiritual battle.  Though we already know that Jesus wins the war (Revelation 20:7-10), that does not dismiss us from battle.

Ephesians 6 tells us to put on the full armor of God, to stand firm against the enemy's schemes because we do not war against flesh and blood, but against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.  Just as the service men and women of the U.S. military choose to defend our freedoms in this nation - we need to remember that as children of God we aren't just called to defend ourselves, but to defend the rights of the poor and needy, to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves (Proverbs 31 & Psalm 82).  Not because we have to, but because we choose to.

As I type these words, there is someone out there being held captive.  They may be miles away in Uganda, forced to be part of the Lord's Resistance Army. They may be in the Ukraine, being sent into other parts of the world & forced into the sex industry. It could be your neighbor, who is secretly struggling with drug addiction or your co-worker, who feels hopeless, alone and afraid. It may even be someone reading this blog, right now. The truth is, it could be anyone.

There are people out there who desperately need to call out to Jesus, because we know that "everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved (Romans 10:13).  But, if they are like I was, they may not know that salvation through Jesus Christ is available to them.  'How then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? Any how can anyone preach unless they are sent?" Faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ." (Romans 10:14-15 & 17).  I think it is no coincidence, that Ephesians 6:15 says "with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace"... and then in Romans 10:15, "it is written, how beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news."

From someone who was behind enemy lines for far too long, I beg you. Run! 

Run to the captives, physically, or with incessant/urgent prayer. Shine the light of Christ into dark, hopeless situations all around you.

We are the light of the world (Matthew 5). As God sent Jesus into the world, He has sent us into the world (John 17). All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to Jesus, so he bids us to go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything he has commanded (Matthew 28). Preach the word; be prepared in season and out of season (2 Timothy 4). The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on us, because the Lord has anointed us to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent us to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners. (Isaiah 61).  'We are His servants, He has chosen us and has not rejected us. So do not fear, for He is with us.... He is our God. He will strengthen us and help us (Isaiah 41). May the God of peace equip us with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen. (Hebrews 13).

The Lord God, who is, who was, and who is to come..the Almighty is the Lord that I have been delivered to and He is available to us all. He is coming back soon. Now is the day of salvation!  But my story would mean nothing, without His story.

If someone is reading this blog, and does not know Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, I want you to know that it is never too late. Jesus meets us right where we are at. It's how I met him. There is nothing that you can do to be in a better place to come to know him or to try to be good enough for Him. He loves you just the way you are. Before you were in your mother's womb, He knew you. He knows the number of hairs on your head. God, the Father, demonstrated his love for us by sending his one and only son, Jesus, to be born from a virgin and live a perfect and sinless life.  He took up our pain, bore our suffering and was pierced for our rebellion. He, who knew no sin, took our punishment and died for us while we were still sinners. He has risen from the dead and is now seated at the right hand of God.  He is the way, the truth, and life and no one comes to the Father, except through Him.  If you declare with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. He makes all things new. Jesus not only changes your heart and your way of thinking. Jesus changes everything.

Spring. A New Season.

Spring is my favorite season. I have always liked it more than the other seasons. There is something about leaving my windows or doors open, hearing the birds chirping and feeling a fresh breeze come through the house. The Creator of the universe, God himself, recreates life from things that appear or feel dead, and he has done so since the beginning of time. I also like the spring rain that comes to give living water to all of the trees, flowers and fields that are in bloom - and they take it in, as if they've been thirsting for it all winter long.

As winter closed out in March, doors that were open in my life have been closed as well.  My family started the process of looking for a new church home, the bible study that I was co-leading with a friend ended, and I worked my last day as an independent contractor for the company I have been employed or contracted out by since I was 18 years old.  Lots of doors closing, but I know that when one door, or 3, are shut - another will be opened.

I just finished up a bible study titled Chase, by Jennie Allen, with a wonderful group of ladies. On Monday night, we all shared our favorite nugget that we took from the study.  My nugget was that only the Creator gets to say who or what the Creation is.  I cannot stop thinking about that.  For all of my life, I have been allowing others, including myself, to say who I am.. or what I can or should do (as far as my skill set). This brings to memory the story of the Potter in Jeremiah 18, where the vessel the potter was making of clay was spoiled, so he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good for him to do.  In Isaiah 64, we are also told that the Lord, our Father, is the potter - and that we are the clay, we are all the work of His hand.

I cannot get this out of my mind. 

I think for a while, I tried to throw my hands into the potters hands... not to be shaped, but thinking that I could actually try to help Him shape me, into what I wanted to be for Him.  Even though I thought I had given over everything to Him, I had not given over certain pieces of me, pieces of my 'identity' that I held on to for some reason.  I found my identity in those things, and not just Him, and Him alone.  I have let go of the bad things of my past, but have held on to what I thought were the good things.  But wait, "if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here" - 2 Corinthians 5:17    

On this first day of Spring, I can't help but feel that I am being re-shaped into something else.  Not that the vessel I was before was spoiled, or maybe it was?  I know that THE potter wants to mold the clay into something else for His use.  I can feel it.  I think for a long time, I was scared of what that would mean for me, or my family, if I was molded into something else.  Something I am not familiar with, the unknown... the unseen.  But isn't that what faith is all about?  Faith doesn't operate in fear of those things.  "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1.  

As I sit back and look at all the broken pieces of this vessel (me).... I embrace the potter's hand, the feeling of fresh, warm, living water that I have been thirsting for reshaping me, and molding me into who He says that I am, who He wants me to be, and what He wants to use me for.  I am no longer an Investor Relations Liaison, an extrovert, a loud mouth (well, maybe that one is still there a little bit), a leader, an intimidating person, or a bossy britches know it all... I am only who He says I am, on any given day, at any given moment, in whatever way He needs me.  

"Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past - see, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?" - Isaiah 43:18-19

Heart Beat

I often ask the Lord to use me as a vessel in any way He wants.  I also ask him to please fill my mind with his sweet words instead of my own thoughts.  I ask him to give me a desire to draw near to Him throughout my day.  I ask him to watch over my children, etc...  I don't know about anyone else, but I ask a lot from the Lord.. and I seek out a lot of things of Him and through Him.  If you were to ask me if I could only ask or seek one thing from the Lord, what would it be? - I honestly don't know how I would have answered that last week, yesterday, or quite frankly, even a few hours ago.    

How would you have answered it?

I am going to begin a study on David this month, so I have been reading through the Psalms more frequently lately, to try to get in David's head/heart and understand him more.  I have a tendency to read Psalm 27 often and  get hung up on the end of verse 9 and 10 "... do not reject me or forsake me, God my savior.  Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me."  I have clung to this piece of scripture because, if you know me personally, then you know it's exactly what I'm dealing with in my life right now.

But, there is a gem in this psalm, just a few verses before it.  As I went to read this Psalm.. again... today, my eyes could not move past verse 4.  "One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

When was the last time I only asked that one thing?  

Have I ever only asked one thing?  

When was the last time that I did not ask anything more of the Lord than to just be with Him and gaze upon His beauty?

I've got to be honest.  It's been a while.

I am captivated by David's constant awareness of, and adoration towards God, and how he actively pursued Him.  And God noticed.  I love what God says about him in The Message translation of Acts 13:22, "...I've searched the land and found this David, son of Jesse.  He's a man whose heart beats to my heart, a man that will do what I tell him."  A man whose heart beats to my heart and that will do what I tell him.  Oh, that my God would commend me in that way!  

After reading that I had to ask myself...Whose heart beat does mine reflect most?  I won't go into all the details of my answer, but the bottom line is - I would be lying if I said that it beats to God's 100%.  I think more often than not, I want Him to try to match my heart beat instead of allowing my heart to beat with His.

My prayer for 2013, is that the Lord would create in me a new heart, one that beats to his.  My hope is that when the Lord searches the Land, that He would consider me to be a woman whose heart beats like his, and I that I would be obedient to do anything he tells me.  That sounds like the kind of life I want - to live with my heart beating close to God's and serving Him in any way, everyday, with total abandon.