I honestly don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I thought that if I got out of the house for a little bit, then I'd at least be able to deal with them better? Needless to say, our Target trip was nothing short of torture. Within the first 2 minutes of being there, Caleb had managed to knock over numerous items on the shelves. Add a few mintues onto that and Liana had thrown, and was still throwing, a full fledged fit because I wouldn't buy her lip gloss. She promised that she wouldn't eat it this time, but I know her better than that (and I used to eat it too). Then, they had to use the bathroom - every 10 minutes. And of course... you can probably guess what came next... "I am hungry, I'm starving...I want chocolate milk, I want an icee, can I buy this toy, I want a shirt - why does she get a shirt and I don't." I was seriously about to lose my mind.
Then, it was time to check out. I said "NO" to about 20 candy and gum requests. Caleb then managed to push the cart into my leg with all of the force that he could muster, on accident, of course. Liana started crying, again, because I wouldn't let her check out with my debit card. At this point, I turned away from them - walked to the little cafe that was directly across from us - grabbed 2 chocolate milks, bought them and handed them to the kids. I wish I would have been able to capture the look on their faces when I handed them the chocolate milk. Heck, now that I think about it - I would have liked to have seen the look on my face when I did it because in that moment, I was totally not operating in my flesh.
I handed them their chocolate milks and Caleb said, "But, I thought we couldn't have anything because of our behavior?" I replied, "Son, this is how God's grace works. When we don't deserve the things we want, or we don't act a certain way, God still loves us and shows us grace. Even though you didn't have good behavior at home, or in the store. I still love you, and I want you to have this - I am showing you some grace today."
The reaction from them was priceless. They sat quiet for a minute processing everything I had said to them, which I was glad for because I needed some time to process what I had just done too. Then came the big hugs and kisses. They told me they were so sorry for behaving the way they had and that I was the best mother ever. Their attitude changed completely for the rest of the day. They were little angels, hugging me, having manners, getting along great, doing things for each other, showing each other and me grace... Grace is good.
What the Holy Spirit spoke to me in this situation was 2 things. #1) More often than not, I am that child - throwing my fits, knocking things over and upset that I am not getting what I want when I want it. But, God still loves me. Jesus still died for me and my ridiculous behavior. And, God still blesses me - sometimes with things, sometimes just with His presence - He shows me grace. #2) My reaction to God's grace and blessings isn't always the same as my kids. I think I have often taken grace for granted. I don't always give the Lord immediate praise and change my attitude when He shows me grace, and I don't always - in turn, extend grace to others.
"And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven." - Matthew 18: 3-4
I am thankful that the Lord continues to show me things and work on me through my children and my experiences with my children. As the Lord shows me grace today, I will get a little closer to him (to give him a hug), praise him (by telling Him that He is the best Father ever) and I will change my attitude.
Father God, fill me with Grace, and allow me to fill others with grace towards them. Grace is good and you are Good - In Jesus Name.
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