Spring. A New Season.

Spring is my favorite season. I have always liked it more than the other seasons. There is something about leaving my windows or doors open, hearing the birds chirping and feeling a fresh breeze come through the house. The Creator of the universe, God himself, recreates life from things that appear or feel dead, and he has done so since the beginning of time. I also like the spring rain that comes to give living water to all of the trees, flowers and fields that are in bloom - and they take it in, as if they've been thirsting for it all winter long.

As winter closed out in March, doors that were open in my life have been closed as well.  My family started the process of looking for a new church home, the bible study that I was co-leading with a friend ended, and I worked my last day as an independent contractor for the company I have been employed or contracted out by since I was 18 years old.  Lots of doors closing, but I know that when one door, or 3, are shut - another will be opened.

I just finished up a bible study titled Chase, by Jennie Allen, with a wonderful group of ladies. On Monday night, we all shared our favorite nugget that we took from the study.  My nugget was that only the Creator gets to say who or what the Creation is.  I cannot stop thinking about that.  For all of my life, I have been allowing others, including myself, to say who I am.. or what I can or should do (as far as my skill set). This brings to memory the story of the Potter in Jeremiah 18, where the vessel the potter was making of clay was spoiled, so he reworked it into another vessel, as it seemed good for him to do.  In Isaiah 64, we are also told that the Lord, our Father, is the potter - and that we are the clay, we are all the work of His hand.

I cannot get this out of my mind. 

I think for a while, I tried to throw my hands into the potters hands... not to be shaped, but thinking that I could actually try to help Him shape me, into what I wanted to be for Him.  Even though I thought I had given over everything to Him, I had not given over certain pieces of me, pieces of my 'identity' that I held on to for some reason.  I found my identity in those things, and not just Him, and Him alone.  I have let go of the bad things of my past, but have held on to what I thought were the good things.  But wait, "if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here" - 2 Corinthians 5:17    

On this first day of Spring, I can't help but feel that I am being re-shaped into something else.  Not that the vessel I was before was spoiled, or maybe it was?  I know that THE potter wants to mold the clay into something else for His use.  I can feel it.  I think for a long time, I was scared of what that would mean for me, or my family, if I was molded into something else.  Something I am not familiar with, the unknown... the unseen.  But isn't that what faith is all about?  Faith doesn't operate in fear of those things.  "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen." - Hebrews 11:1.  

As I sit back and look at all the broken pieces of this vessel (me).... I embrace the potter's hand, the feeling of fresh, warm, living water that I have been thirsting for reshaping me, and molding me into who He says that I am, who He wants me to be, and what He wants to use me for.  I am no longer an Investor Relations Liaison, an extrovert, a loud mouth (well, maybe that one is still there a little bit), a leader, an intimidating person, or a bossy britches know it all... I am only who He says I am, on any given day, at any given moment, in whatever way He needs me.  

"Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past - see, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it?" - Isaiah 43:18-19

Heart Beat

I often ask the Lord to use me as a vessel in any way He wants.  I also ask him to please fill my mind with his sweet words instead of my own thoughts.  I ask him to give me a desire to draw near to Him throughout my day.  I ask him to watch over my children, etc...  I don't know about anyone else, but I ask a lot from the Lord.. and I seek out a lot of things of Him and through Him.  If you were to ask me if I could only ask or seek one thing from the Lord, what would it be? - I honestly don't know how I would have answered that last week, yesterday, or quite frankly, even a few hours ago.    

How would you have answered it?

I am going to begin a study on David this month, so I have been reading through the Psalms more frequently lately, to try to get in David's head/heart and understand him more.  I have a tendency to read Psalm 27 often and  get hung up on the end of verse 9 and 10 "... do not reject me or forsake me, God my savior.  Though my mother and father forsake me, the Lord will receive me."  I have clung to this piece of scripture because, if you know me personally, then you know it's exactly what I'm dealing with in my life right now.

But, there is a gem in this psalm, just a few verses before it.  As I went to read this Psalm.. again... today, my eyes could not move past verse 4.  "One thing I ask from the Lord, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple."

When was the last time I only asked that one thing?  

Have I ever only asked one thing?  

When was the last time that I did not ask anything more of the Lord than to just be with Him and gaze upon His beauty?

I've got to be honest.  It's been a while.

I am captivated by David's constant awareness of, and adoration towards God, and how he actively pursued Him.  And God noticed.  I love what God says about him in The Message translation of Acts 13:22, "...I've searched the land and found this David, son of Jesse.  He's a man whose heart beats to my heart, a man that will do what I tell him."  A man whose heart beats to my heart and that will do what I tell him.  Oh, that my God would commend me in that way!  

After reading that I had to ask myself...Whose heart beat does mine reflect most?  I won't go into all the details of my answer, but the bottom line is - I would be lying if I said that it beats to God's 100%.  I think more often than not, I want Him to try to match my heart beat instead of allowing my heart to beat with His.

My prayer for 2013, is that the Lord would create in me a new heart, one that beats to his.  My hope is that when the Lord searches the Land, that He would consider me to be a woman whose heart beats like his, and I that I would be obedient to do anything he tells me.  That sounds like the kind of life I want - to live with my heart beating close to God's and serving Him in any way, everyday, with total abandon.

Where There's A Will There's A Way - But Am I Willing?

Dear Me,

Slow down.  In life, in doing too many things and especially in reading scripture.  Too often I read scripture and I don't really take in what I'm reading.  But when I read in Matthew 8, a piece of scripture that I have read a few times before, these two verses struck me differently this time and stuck with me.  

A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”  Jesus reach out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"  Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy."  Matthew 8:2-3

A man with leprosy.  I did a little research and found that people who suffer from leprosy experience disfigurement of the skin and bones, twisting of the limbs, and curling of the fingers or toes.  Tumor like growth often occurs on their skin and their noses may collapse.  In biblical times, and even in a lot of societies today, people with leprosy suffered stereotypes (it was considered a curse from God often associated with sin) and banishment from their family or neighbors.

came and knelt before him.  I don't know the extent of this man's leprosy, but based on some of the research I did - it would have been hard to 'come' to Jesus.  Often, people with leprosy cannot walk because their limbs are disfigured.  But either way, this man came to Jesus and knelt before him.

and said, "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean."  If you are willing - what a beautiful picture of humility before our Lord.  On his knees, in pain, broken, alone - but having complete reverence to say, if you are willing.  Not saying - heal me.   Not saying, do this thing... Just a simple, if you are willing.  Then he said, you can make me clean.  He didn't doubt whether Jesus could do it, he didn't even ask him if he could heal him - he already knew that it was the LORD, and that he could do it.  Only, if he was willing.  His will, the Lord's willingness, not the leper willing the Lord to do it.

Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man.   Now this is where I got all worked up and started balling like a baby.  Jesus touched the man, the leper.  The same man that was on outcast, that hundreds of people probably walked by, maybe refused to look at - Jesus touched him.  And as I thought about this more, I wondered... just how long had it been since this man had been touched?  Lepers were deemed cursed. In my mind's eye, I bet he had not been touched or shown love in a long, long time.  I can't even begin to imagine what he felt just to be touched by not just a human, but by Jesus.  I can only imagine the love he felt in that moment. 

"I am willing," he said. "Be clean!"  I need to grab a tissue.  I am willing.  Be clean.  I don't have words, because the words of Jesus are enough here.  I am willing - be clean!       

Immediately he was cleansed of his leprosy.  Just like that, he was cleansed.  It is amazing how the touch of Jesus.  No.  The LOVE of Jesus can cleanse us - immediately.

This piece of scripture has got me all worked up in more ways than one.  It is time to ask the Lord to examine my heart... again!  This dying to self is SUCH a daily thing, and this piece of scripture reminded me of that.  

Holy Spirit, show me.  Am I willing?

Are there any lepers among me?  Do I refuse them love because of the way they look, or talk, or act?  Do I dismiss them as hopeless?  Do I only pray for them from afar?  Give me the heart, Lord, to show them love the same way that Jesus did to the leper.  To touch them.  To love them.  To be willing, always.  

Remind me Lord, that in all of my pain, the lonely places in my heart - to come.  Humble myself, kneel before you and say -  Lord, if you are willing.  Cleanse me of my self righteous thoughts, my roller coaster emotions, my selfish desires and let my heart beat as one with yours, Lord.  Make my thoughts, my emotions and my desires be the same as yours.  Give me the same heart as you and opportunities to love all people that you died on the cross for.  

For I too have been a leper.. stereotyped, treated like an outcast.  But you were willing.  You touched me.  You loved me.  You made me clean.  

- R